Never Forget
by Queen Wicked
Summary: The night the Doctor counts the children.


**A/N: This is my very late tribute to the 50th. I was really surprised that it was 10 who counted the children and not 11, and because 10 is so fun to write I decided to write about the day that the Doctor had counted the 2.47 billion children on Gallifrey. Of course Rose is there to help him through this rough time. Honestly this can take place during anytime of the 2nd season or if you really like to deny Doomsday like I do, it can be AU. Please review because honestly I love this story so much and I want to hear what you guys think about it.**

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Rose couldn't find the Doctor at all today. She supposed he didn't want to be found, as the Tardis kept taking her around and around in circles, no matter where she went. His bloody spaceship was his accomplice of his mission of hide and go seek, but the seeker could never find the others hiding place, no matter how obvious it may have been. The only rooms that Rose had successfully uncovered during her endless trek around and around the Tardis was her room, and the control room, where the Doctor _should _have been, tinkering and fixing and wiring his lovely ship like he always did. Rose expected him to be under the floor, sparks flying about and curses being shot left and right like it was absolutely normal to be using profanities like that on a day to day basis. Even though the Doctor could swear in a million different languages, English and Gallifreyian being only two, Rose could tell which words were naughty and not for children's ears. She was brilliant like that, or so she was told. But the man who told her that on a daily basis wasn't in the control room, as he ought to be.

Even so, Rose was getting annoyed with the Tardis and she finally had enough, stopping in an oh so familiar hallway, between two metal doors that wouldn't budge for her, despite the fact that she was right in the middle of the two sensors, ergo they should both open. Rose put her hands on her hips, and blew her blonde bangs out of her eyes, looking up at the ceiling with her eyebrows furrowed. "This isn't funny!" She exclaimed loudly. She may have been blind to the Doctors whereabouts but he could never had ignored her, especially with everything so quiet today and them two being the only living breathing things on the Tardis. Now she was talking to the ship solely. "You show me where the Doctor is, yeah?" Rose asked, not really believing that just asking would actually help in this situation. Obviously, it didn't because nothing had changed in the twenty seconds Rose had stood there in utter complete silence. "C'mon, what if I need him? What if he needs me? I can help him, you know. I'm not just good for conversing outside of you. I know him, the Doctor. I know what he needs, what he wants. And I can't help him unless you show me where he is."

It was like taking candy from a baby, how easily Rose could trick the Tardis into reveling the Doctor's whereabouts, forcing her to switch sides with a slight of hand, the right voice, and the perfect words. Rose wasn't good at a lot of things, but getting what she wanted was always sort of a talent of hers. Right now she wanted her Doctor, and right now she would get him, no matter if he wanted that to happen or not, it was going too. But after saying that, Rose wondered if she _did _know what the Doctor needed. He never actually told her his troubles or woes or sicknesses before. All she knew, really, was that the Doctor was sad. She knew this because if he was happy, they'd be on the planet Ergocalciferol right this very moment, having a picnic on a grassy cliff, watching manta rays soar across the sky like airplanes, with the Doctor telling Rose about all the adventures he had had, and the many more together that would come. Rose imagined that could have been day would've ended with the Doctor asking the now everyday question, '_How long are you going to stay with me?" _and then Rose would answer like she had always answered. "_Forever." _A perfect word to end a perfect day. They always said that to each other, and Rose meant it, with every soul, every atom of her very being, right down to her core, she meant it, with all her heart.

The metal door in front of Rose opened up, and the air whooshed in her face, giving her hair a wind blown look. Inside was a library; the entire room was spaciously filled with bookshelves that were 10 times bigger than her. Books cramped every single corner of the ink and paper filled chamber. You could be locked in here until the end of your days and still not make a dent in the sheer amount of books that there were. No wonder the Doctor was such an educated man. Rose suspected this was his favorite pastime save for saving the universe time and time again. She took a hesitant step forward; looking both was as if she was a dithering little girl again crossing the street with her mum. But this time the danger wasn't cars that exhumed gasoline. This time the danger was the Doctor himself, and what his mood was like. Needless to say Rose Tyler was scared, though in her heart she knew that the Doctor would never harm her, at least, not normally. Time Lords, though kind and gentlemanlike, could be venomous and scary and unforgiving. Rose did not want to set off a tantrum in the Doctor's mind.

Rose took a step closer and silently wished she hadn't worn her combat boots inside, where everything echoed for what felt like eternity. She knew the Doctor could hear her. She also knew that she could hear him, so whatever actions he took or made would bring her one step closer to the Time Lord. A peculiar thing floated to Rose's ears that very moment, a sound that she hadn't heard in well… Ever. It was sobbing. If there was one thing the Doctor absolutely did not do, it was cry. If the Doctor was weeping, then something was wrong. Something that Rose might not be able to fix, but she would try regardless. She liked the Doctor all happy; because he was the man who told her she was brilliant when she deciphered a long dead code. She took more almost silent steps to the sound of tears. It was like Marco Polo, minus the Polo part.

Finally Rose had found her Doctor after hours of hide and seek, and it was not a sight she was fond of in the slightest. He was there, right by the swimming pool, sitting in his brown and blue pinstripe suit, which was covered by his umber colored coat, buttons undone. It disturbed Rose, seeing his hands grasping at his mahogany shaded hair, as if he was in emotional turmoil. His body racked with heavy, dry sobs, indicating that he had been in this state for hours, without Rose even knowing about it. Books were splayed out in front of him; languages shimmered before her eyes, morphing themselves into English so she wouldn't have to translate what he was reading. It was Gallifrey's latest census, from the last time it was taken, which wasn't long before the long reign of the Time Lords had ended. But there were other things too, things like pictures and Polaroid's cast carelessly around the Doctor, and they were all showing children. Young and old. Girl and Boy. Black and White. It didn't matter, they were all there. Some had even found themselves sitting in the cool sereneness of the blue water beside their brothers and sisters.

"Doctor?" Rose said coming closer to him, worried about him because he was never ever like this. He didn't look up, or even acknowledged her presence in the room.

"2.47 Billion." The Doctor whispered to himself, grief so rich and thick in his voice his was practically oozing out of his mouth in sticky drips, landing on the floor in a puddle of despair. "2.47 _Billion." _He repeated again, in case he himself didn't hear it the first time. Rose came closer to him, and put her hand lightly on his shoulder, if nothing else than to tell him that she was here, and she would comfort him, and everything would be okay soon. That was part of her job as a companion, right? To help the doctor through tough choices and rough spots in his life? Above all else, her job called for her to save him whenever he needed saving. Right now was one of those times and Rose Tyler was going to do her job.

"2.47 Billion what, Doctor?" Asked Rose; though she had a feeling she didn't want to know by the state the Time Lord was in at the moment.

At last he looked up at her, his hazel eyes bloodshot and anguish filled till the point that they looked as if they were going to explode because of the extreme sadness they portrayed. Though the rest of the Doctor was younger, and got younger through almost every regeneration he went through, his eyes got older and wiser and miserable. Roes felt immense pity for him, and she wished she could take some of his pain away from him so as they might share it. Tears ran down his cheeks, landing on the front of his suit, which was already soaked and stained from the previous salty water droplets that had landed there. The Doctor's hair was as wild and untamable as a lion's mane because of his tormented fingers that ran through it like racecars veering off the course to get to the finish line faster than the other. "2.47 billion children, Rose. I killed 2.46 billion children when I blew up Gallifrey."

That's when Rose realized what the pictures were for, and why the books were open to his homeland's population the last time it was ever put into a history book. The Doctor had counted the children. Children that had been younger than her and wiser than her, and better than her. The Doctor had killed the children. Children that could have saved countless planets, had they been given the chance. Children that could have saved the Time Lords, if they were given ways out of the battlegrounds, had their parents not been so proud to protect their homeland. "Oh my god." Was all Rose could say in return, but she could do so much more. Where words failed her, actions ringed loud and clear, like a telephone with a line disconnected in a horror movie that only bode ill for the protagonists, as they were about to be murdered and chopped into little pieces. So Rose Tyler wrapped her arms around her Time Lord, who was trembling with sadness, utter sadness.

"Don't touch me." The Doctor whispered, almost to soft for Rose to hear. "I'm a monster, why would you touch a monster?" He tried to unclasp himself from Rose's grip, but she clung onto him, petting his hair and cooed comforting things in his ear.

"You're not a monster, Doctor. You're not a Slitheen, or a cyberman, or a Dalek-" But she was cut of by him bursting out of her grasp suddenly with newfound power. He stood up, his chest heaving, a crazed, mad look in his eye. To say that Rose was scared was an understatement. The only thing that kept her planted was the hope that the old Doctor, the Doctor that cared about her and pampered her was in there and was reachable. She'd get him out. It was the least she could do for him.

"I WAS AS GOOD AS A DALEK WHEN I BLEW MY PEOPLE TO KINGDOM COME!" The Doctor shouted with such intensity that Rose scrambled back until her spine collided with that of a very heavy and tall oak bookcase, stained as dark as her Doctor's once gleaming brown eyes which shone with happiness. And then just as quickly as he had stood up, the broken Time Lord bent down again and grabbed a photo of a young boy of what looked about fourteen, with dark hair and dark eyes. With a grunt of anger he tossed the picture into the pool, disturbing the others by creating shallow ripples that were as silent as the moon. Rose saw him pace around the perimeter of the natatorium, hands running through his hair. No longer was he the Doctor, savior of the universe and the giver of life, the would be god. Now he was the mad man, destroyed by inner turmoil of what he had done, and what he had failed to do. Rose silently got up after a minute or two.

Rose, to say the least, had disagreed with the Doctor's statement of being a Dalek. He did what he had to do, to save the universe once again. It was horrible what had happened to the children, it was true. But there was always a price to pay when you did something so drastic as he had done. As far as Rose was concerned, the Doctor was a hero for what he did that day. Because had he not followed through with blowing up Gallifrey, she probably wouldn't have been alive today. She saw the Doctor endlessly pacing around the pool. "All my fault. Could have saved them. 2.47 billion children. Gone. All gone." He ranted. Rose rolled her eyes, knowing she had to put a stop to this before it became any worse. She walked over to the Doctor, put her hands on his paper-thin shoulders, and kissed him.

At first, the Doctor didn't kiss her back. Rose didn't expect him to right away. The anger and pain and sadness of what happened in the Time War needed to melt away like snow first, and then the layer of shock had to be peeled back like a banana skin before he would react the way she knew he would, like he always would every single time they kissed. Then after a while, she felt him glide one of his arms around the small of her back, and one on the backside of her neck, where his fingers curled in her hair. Rose, being the smaller of the two, leaned up on her tiptoes, wrapping her hands around his neck. This kiss wasn't slow and steady like the rest of them. It wasn't a fairytale kiss like they were used to. This kiss was full of want and longing, full of sadness and hope and anger and grief all wrapped into one.

When they pulled apart Rose saw that she had a huge impact on the Doctor's mood. He had a small ghost of a half smile, just barely there, but anybody who knew and loved the Doctor as much as she did could see it plain on his face. Though his eyes hadn't lit up like the fourth of July, (Quite the contrary, actually, one or two tears still glided down his face freely) the Doctor's eyes had generally become a little bit happier. Rose smiled, her tongue lifting to the roof of her mouth and she giggled. "What's so funny?" The Doctor asked. Even his voice was almost back to normal, no longer constricted with anguish and torment from the children's old photos.

"Daleks can't kiss." Rose explained as she enveloped her Doctor in a hug. He was so skinny she could hug him and probably fit her mum in her arms too.

He chuckled lightly and softly. "I suppose they can't, those slimy, stinking Daleks." The Doctor hugged Rose back, and they stayed like that wrapped in each other's embrace, silently vowing never to let the other go for god knows how long.

"Doctor," Rose said finally, breaking the sweet silence as she looked into his face. "I know you think you're a monster because of what you did. But you're not. You did the right thing. The _only _thing. I mean, if you hadn't done what you did, who knows if I would've been born? You saved me, and you didn't know it. Doctor, you saved the entire universe by pressing that big red button."

"But the children-" He began, but Rose shook her head, effectively silencing him. She wiped a stray tear from his cheek.

"The children would have been proud." This was most likely a lie. The children probably would have wanted to live instead of perish in hot silky flames that burst with the heat of death, roasting the children alive. But Rose wasn't about to tell the Doctor that, not now, not ever. The Doctor kept many secrets from Rose, this would be her secret to keep from him. She felt him put his forehead on her golden head, kissing her temple lightly.

"2.47 billion children… I won't ever forget that number." Rose believed him. How could you forget something so terrible? 6 million Jews died in the holocaust, no one had ever forgotten that and so why should the Doctor forget how many children died that day? There, in the wreckage of paper and ink and photos, did Rose save the Doctor, her Doctor, without knowing it.

"You're brilliant, Rose Tyler." The Doctor said, his voice a bit muffled from speaking into her hair. "Do you know that? Absolutely brilliant." Rose blushed when he said that. She wished she wasn't so pale that the red stuck out like a tomato. But he loved it because it was what made her human. Rose had been waiting to hear him say that all day and there it was like a brightly wrapped Christmas present topped with a bow.

"D'you want some tea?" Rose asked, breaking free of the Doctor's hold on her, though she laced her fingers through his, not wanting to break contact between him.

"Tea would be lovely, actually." He replied and they started to walk out of the library hand in hand.

"With bananas on the side, yeah?" Rose asked. They were so very British, drinking tea after something horrible happened.

"Brilliant." Said the Doctor as he placed a kiss on the left side of her temple. As they walked out, the doors closed behind them, separating Rose and the Doctor from the counted children.

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**A/N: 10 and his bananas, gotta love them. Okay I really should go study for finals but I probably won't because I haven't even scratched the surface of the whoniverse. Please review guys thanks!**

**Goodbye, Sweetie,**

**Wicked.**


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